Enough Smack Talking, Let’s Play Some F$%#ing Football!

Alan Parsons Project – Sirius
Found at skreemr.com

Finally, it’s here!  After longing through boring ass basketball, unheard of hockey, loser baseball, and a fart in the wind called the Olympics, the real sport of men has arrived!  Yes, it’s even more important than professional football.  And after the spring football, the media days, the cuts, the hype, the talk, we arrive tonight for the start of college football.  I’m about to head out Tanner’s in Lenexa to enjoy multiple of games of what will be more than likely blowouts but I don’t care.

Who’s going to win?  Who’s going all the way?  Welp, let’s run down what I think will happen:

  • Someone from the Big 12 will be in the Championship game.  Either Oklahoma or Missouri, and I’m going with the Boomer Sooners.
  • The other team will either be the winner of the SEC (again), and the winner of the over hyped Big 10.  Yes, look for either Florida or Ohio State to hit the title game.  My guess is Florida because the Big 10 is weak competition and I don’t think Georgia will outlive its hype.
  • Heisman?  I’m going with Tebow again.  Yeah Chase could get it, and Percy Harvin could get it too.  But Tebow is that damn impressive.  He’s changing the way the game is played.  Period.
  • Kansas State WILL make a bowl.  I’m being a total homer here but it just seems like there’s enough ringers up there to even out the year and perhaps make bowl eligibility.  Regardless, revenge will be had in Lawrence.  I guarantee.
  • Building on that, Kansas will fall over.  Reality hits and real competition hits harder.  At least they’ll have some fuel to fire up their season next year.  Look for Reesing to get Heisman whispers next year.
  • Other conferences?  Who cares?  But seriously, USC is the only heat in the Pac 10 with Arizona State coming up behind.  I’ll pick Clemson out of the ACC, South Florida out of the Big East, and the mid cons well the hell with them.  I like Boise State because their field makes me puke.
  • I also predict that either Joe Paterno or Bobby Bowden will DIE on the field during a game this year.  Probably from a freakish sharting accident.
  • There will be about 5 arrests from various players out of the Big 12 with the bulk coming from Columbia, MO.  Wannabe Miami University maybe?  Of Florida, dummy.
  • Kirk Herbstreit is still a douche.  I haven’t forgetton Kirk, I haven’t forgetton.
  • I will win the pick ’em set this year mainly because I’ll be the only one doing it every week.  This year we’ll do a bet for the end of the season maybe done at the Championship games.
  • Of the two road trips I’m going on this year, K-State will be the winner for one of them.
  • Sportscasters won’t complain about the BCS until about 2 seconds into the first televised broadcast.  The nation then unilaterally, with one big moment of clarity, will realize that sportscasters are useless in the head and are only really worth it in the mouth.  Much like some of the women I’ve been with.
  • Hopefully there will be a better bar than the Brooksider from last year.  I’ll give the crown at the end of the conference championships.
  • It’s going to take all of my power to not destroy the first Bags game I see at a bar.  Golden Tee and Buck Hunter are cool.  Bags are not.  Maybe there will be a new bar game this year.
  • The over/under for buffalo wings eaten this year is set at 552.  I’m thing over.  Any takers?